


h a n a h a k i

by hyacinthsfics



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aromantic!Ushijima, Day 2, Haikyuu OT3 Week, M/M, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, goshiten, hanahaki, semigoshi, ushigoshiten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 03:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10800471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinthsfics/pseuds/hyacinthsfics
Summary: Goshiki thought everything was fine until he started coughing up flowers.





	h a n a h a k i

_-_ ship: ushigoshiten  
  - prompt: gluttony _|_ ~~flower in bloom~~ | orange  
  - word count: 3,965  
  - a/n: angst  
  - song inspiration: hurts like hell by fleurie

  Goshiki sits, heaving, staring, sucking in lost breaths he can't seem to recover as the dim light of his lamp sitting on his bedside table casts a soft glow over the room. He sucks in a breath, one, two, coughs again, tries again, one, two, three, _we're at three_ ; he coughs again. The itching in his throat never seems to stop - a centipede tickling the skin and the back of his mind like a reminder: _you're in too deep and now you're suffering_. He glances at the alarm clock that's settled between the lamp and his water bottle, it reads 1:39 am, and he sighs before he's thrown into another coughing fit.

  He wants to get his aunt, but he knows the attempt will be fruitless. She'll brush him off, _you'll be fine in the morning, Tsutomu, go to bed_. He sucks in a breath, downs half of his water bottle, and stares at his lap. The centipede-leg-like tingling in his throat is gone, but the damage is already done. He's sitting Indian style, and in the dip between his legs is a pile of heartbrokenness and unrequitedness. He wants to scream; he knows what this is, he's seen it on TV, read about it in books, but he thought it was all fiction. Maybe it is fiction. Maybe Goshiki is dreaming, and when he wakes up, there won't be a pile of dark flower petals situated on his bed. They appear to be dark green, or maybe just black; it is black, well, brown-black almost, with the undertone of green, and it's sickening to look at. Not the color - he adores the color, or maybe just the wearer of the color - but the pure ache in his chest the color produces. It's sickening, he's sickening, the feelings are sickening, the petals are sickening, the disease is sickening, so sick and twisted and diabolical.

Something falls onto the pile of petals - of loneliness, Goshiki can equate them to loneliness - and for a second Goshiki thinks there's a leak in his roof, however he lives on the third floor and there's several floors above him. He reaches shaking fingertips to his cheek and finds the skin wet, of course, of course he's crying over this, when did he not? _You're so sensitive_ , that's what Shirabu would say. _Grow up a little_. And he knows Shirabu doesn't exactly want to be around him off the court, but he knows Shirabu trusts him, not as much as he trusts the ace, the captain, the powerhouse, the core of Shiratorizawa's winning streak. Goshiki chokes down a sob.

He should call someone, he's not okay enough to be by himself, he knows that, he knows, _he knows_ , but he can't bring himself to dial anyone's number. Who would he call? It's the middle of the night, everyone's asleep, he's alone, oh God, he's alone-

  Semi, he should call Semi, he should call someone, Semi's nice most of the time, he's naturally got a caring complex, he should really, really call Semi.

  He doesn't get the chance. His chests erupts into fire as more flower petals are pulled from his lungs and up his throat and out his mouth by a string, an invisible string, and he knows just who that string belongs to.

\---

Practice is almost unbearable. Every move, every jump, every unintentional glance sends him into a coughing fit, and he knows that some of his teammates are worried about him, some of them are asking if he's okay, but he ignores them. He's not okay, he's suffering, he's in so much pain, but he has to push forward and act like it's nothing - _a cold, it's a cold, I'm okay, I'm serious, yeah, I know the cough is pretty bad, but I'm fine, seriously._

He wants to talk to Semi, wants to tell him, wants to admit everything, Semi will understand, Semi will listen, he's good at that. He's good at listening to Goshiki when he falls apart after practice, sobbing about how he just doesn't feel good enough, he's good at comforting Goshiki in the aftermath of an anxiety attack.

"Hey, it's your turn, bowl cut," Shirabu jabs as he pushes Goshiki forward, the movement causing a tingle in the back of his throat. He swallows it down and prays for the best as he runs forward and spikes the ball Semi sets, but it's weak, and everyone notices. Goshiki's shoulders shake with another cough, so he gravitates to the side of the gym and stands at the large opening, letting the cool night breeze soothe his slick with sweat skin. After what Goshiki deems as an eternity, his coughing fit stops and he crushes the handful of dark petals he snagged and shoves the remains in his pocket.

"Practice is ending, we're cleaning up," a random first-year says as he passes by Goshiki, so he sighs, composes himself, and walks back to the others. He tries to help clean up, tries to take down the net, to sweep the floor, to put the volleyballs in the cart, but each movement is weak. His arms and legs feel detached from his body, and his head is swimming. He just wants to go home.

"Ya sick?" a sly voice asks as a head of vibrant red hair appears in front of Goshiki, leaning down so they're eye to eye.

"A cold," Goshiki rushes out, steps away from Tendou's close proximity, and averts his gaze. He doesn't need this right now - he needs to get home, needs to cry, needs to cough, God, he just wants to cough it all out-

"Well, you should rest," Tendou surprisingly says with a kind tone. "Can't be the ace if you slack off in practice." And there it is. Usually Goshiki would make some exclamation about how hard he was going to work, but he can't find it in him.

"Goodnight, Tendou-senpai," he murmurs and turns the other way, heading to the locker room to change. Tendou huffes and spins on his heel, freezing up when he realizes Semi's in front of him.

"Give him space," Semi says, looking towards the direction of the locker room, which Goshiki has since disappeared into. "And time." Tendou poutes and walks the other way, leaving Semi to follow after Goshiki. "Goshi..." Semi halts as he realizes the locker room is empty. "ki...that's odd." He turns to the bathroom door and frowns, quickly pushing it open. "Goshiki?"

  "I'm here," Goshiki croaks, his voice weak and hoarse. _Oh god_ , he thinks, _this is bad, this is so, so bad_.

  "Can I come in?"

  "No," Goshiki immediately responds, coughing once more over the toilet, watching the seaweed colored petals fall, speckled with vibrant red ones that had managed to come up as well. His heart lurches and he lets out a sob, choking on his own breath as his lungs try to bring in air to compensate for the lost.

  "Okay...I'll walk you home," Semi offers.

  "You don't have to," Goshiki argues, but he knows it's useless. He _will_ end up sleeping over at Semi's house, just because Semi doesn't let him be alone when he's upset or sick.

  "You can stay at my place. I'll make you tea," Semi attempts, a hint of humor in his voice. "You won't be a bother, I promise."

  "But I-"

  "No buts. I've decided."

  "O-Okay," Goshiki stammers out, flushes the toilet, and heads out of the stall to meet Semi's eyes, which hold pity and sadness. Goshiki frowns and looks at the mirror, reaching a hand up to wipe away the tears that had managed to fall.

\---

  Semi's house is lonely - it's always had that sort of lonely feel, like it had been abandoned many times and wasn't quite lived-in yet. It had couches, sure, and it was a homey place, but it was just...empty. Of course, with only Semi living there, it had to be empty, and Goshiki felt sympathy for him above all else. Semi set him on the couch and wrapped a fluffy crimson blanket around his shoulders, before wandering to the kitchen to make tea.

"You know you shouldn't be at practice while you're sick," Semi tenderly scolds, and Goshiki tugs the blanket tighter around himself, wanting to sink into the warmness and never surface. "What if someone else gets sick?"

"It's not contagious," Goshiki mumbles, swallowing thickly as that all too familiar tickle rises in his throat.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah," Goshiki assures him, laying down on Semi's inviting couch, feeling himself sink into the plush, dark faux velvet. Semi peaks out at him from the kitchen and sends him a smile, which Goshiki weakly returns, before it falls into a frown as tears sting his eyes. He wants to tell Semi, and he knows he eventually will, but the outcomes that run through Goshiki's mind aren't pleasant - they're terrifying, actually.

"Here," Semi says, placing a cup in front of him. Goshiki watches the steam curl up from the lip as he's sucked into his thoughts again, his frown deepening. His vision goes blurry with tears when Semi calls his name, but he doesn't respond, instead reaching a hand up to hastily wipe away the tear that had fallen. "That bad, huh?" Semi asks sympathetically, rubbing Goshiki's shoulder through the blanket. "I'll just call your aunt, you can sleep if you want."

Even though the offer sounds pleasant, he knows he won't sleep - he sees them in his dreams, they're touching him, kissing him, _loving_ him, and then he wakes up and they're not there. He feels abandoned, lost, disoriented when he wakes up, and he knows he can't put himself in that situation anymore. Semi pats his back and makes way to the kitchen to grab his phone. Goshiki sits up and grabs the mug, letting it warm his fingers as he brings it to his lip and takes a small sip. As soon as he does, regret coils in is gut and his stomach turns over itself, the spider-like tingles surfacing in his throat. He hurriedly places the mug down and clambers up from the couch, rushing towards the bathroom, his hands over his mouth in an attempt to cage the flower petals falling from his lips. His knees give out and he sinks to the floor, the flowers spilling out of the cracks between his fingers and painting Semi's floor an arrangement of deep black-brown-green and a contrasting bright, brilliant red.

He hears Semi call his name, hears his footsteps, and dread makes shivers slither down his spine and his stomach drop, an overwhelming fear settling over him. He can't cease the coughing, though, and it causes him to double over, his forehead falling against the wood floor because suddenly everything was so _heavy_ and he was _so weak_. He continuously chokes out petals and sucks in short, choppy breaths, but they're caught in the barricade of Goshiki's sickness. Black spots dance in the corners of his vision, and Semi's saying something - something, _something_ , something about flowers, but Goshiki can't make it out.

The coughing fit ends and he's left gasping and sucking in air to soothe his aching, burning lungs. He lets out a sob, two, three, four, until he feels Semi's hand on his back, rubbing slow circles with his fingertips in an attempt to soothe Goshiki.

"I'm here," Semi whispers, pulling Goshiki up and letting him fall into Semi's chest, sobbing into his practice shirt as he clutches onto it desperately. "You have to tell me what's going on," Semi says, rubbing his shoulders. "How did - the flowers, how-?"

"I-It's called Hanahaki," Goshiki chokes out through his sobs. "I don't know-know how it happened or how it's p-possible," he pauses to suck in air. "But when the people you love don't l-love you back, flowers fill your lungs and-"

"And you cough them out," Semi concludes. "But...how is that possible?"

"I don't know," Goshiki whimpers. "I don't _know_! I just want it to be over with."

"But the colors - the, they're..."

"No, no," Goshiki whispers, curling in on himself as he tries to change the subject to anything _but_ the colors.

"Ones black but sort of green, like..." Semi's eyes widen as he turns to Goshiki, slow, calculative, like he's figured it out and he wants to see Goshiki's reaction. "And the others...they're bright red, an unmistakeable red."

"I'm sorry," Goshiki chokes out, and Semi's face instantly falls into sorrow.

"No, no, don't apologize," he rushes out. "I'm just...I'm worried about you. Do you know if there's a cure?"

"Either they love me back, the petals are removed through surgery, or I..." Goshiki swallows thickly, his hands tightening their grips on Semi's shirt. "or I die."

\---

  Goshiki sits up in bed, his eyes flickering to the open window by his bed. He hasn't slept in four days, including the weekend he had spent with Semi, and he knows he should, but he can't. Every time he closes his eyes, vision of them dance behind his eyelids and he hates it. He loathes it. It hurts, it aches, it's an indescribable agony. He also fears that if he closes his eyes, he won't be able to open them again. Each breath is shallower than the last, and he feels like he's suffocating on the inside - which he is. The thought rips a sob from his lips, which he hastily slaps a hand over in an attempt to quiet himself. His eyes are trained on the moon, and it's inviting, the night is so inviting, and Goshiki just wants to close his eyes and sleep. _God_ , does he want to sleep.

  He can't. He'll die, or so it feels like. It's better to stay awake.

  Flower petals force their way up his throat, and this time, there's no end to them. He hurriedly grabs his phone mid-cough and calls Semi, who doesn't respond. Panic settles in Goshiki's gut as a continuous string of petals is pulled from his throat. He coughs, and coughs, and _coughs_ , and there's _so many_ fucking flowers that he can't breathe, _he can't fucking breathe, he's going to **die**_.

  He doesn't know when, doesn't know how, but his eyes cloud over in black spots, and he collapses onto the bed, his eyes fluttering open and closed. He hears his phone buzzing, but it's distant, so distant, so fuzzy, it's practically not there. The coughing doesn't stop - the flower petals don't stop, he doesn't think they'll stop - _this is it_. His lungs ache, his chest burns so bad, it hurts like hell, it feels like he's being burned from the inside out.

  And finally, he coughs one last time, and his eyes flutter shut. He surrenders to the darkness.

\---

  "Sorry! Sorry, fuck, sorry!" Tendou exclaims as he bumps into yet another stranger. He's going against the crowd, it's going one way and he's going another, and there's so many of them. "Sorry!" he squeaks as he pushes someone out of his way and finds himself in a gap between two groups of people, quickly breaking into a run. He has to get to the hospital, he's desperate. He has to get there, he has to, he has to, he has to-

  "Tendou-san!" a familiar voice calls and he turns to see Semi standing at the parking lot of the hospital. Tendou hurriedly runs to him and grabs his shoulders.

  "Where is he? Is he okay, is he-"

  "He's alive, but he's hooked to a thousand different machines and he's on breathing support," Semi informs him, and Tendou pulls away, dread settling into his gut. Semi had explained everything, everything, _everything_ Goshiki was going through, everything Tendou had done wrong, how could he not have noticed, not have seen-

  "I need to see him."

  Semi nods and leads him into the hospital.

\---

  "Oh god," Tendou whispers, peeking into the room, where Goshiki lies on a white hospital bed, his skin paler than the bleary walls, bleary sheets, bleary, aching, blinding white surrounding him. There are bags under his eyes - deep and purple, prominent against his ghostly skin. A deep ache of longing resounds in Tendou's bones, thrums against his skull, this is his fault, this is his fault. "I have to - I have to go in, I-"

  "You can't," Semi quickly cuts him off. "I don't know how he'll react or how his body will react to seeing you. Considering..."

  "Yeah," Tendou murmurs out, turning to look at Goshiki through the small, rectangle window of the door. "I'm...I'm sorry."

  "Why?"

  "This is my fault," Tendou mutters, leaning his forehead against the door. "If I had just opened my eyes and _realized_ -!"

  "Hey, there's no need for that," Semi chides, pulling Tendou away from the door. "We're going to figure this out. He's going to be okay" Semi assures with a confident voice, placing a hand on Tendou's shoulder. "Have you gotten ahold of-"

  "No," Tendou lies, his mind flickering back to the conversation earlier, with him desperately crying out: _What do you mean you're not coming, he needs you_! And Ushijima arguing, _It would be no use, I don't love him, Satori, not like you do. I can't love him, I can't force myself to love him, I don't feel that way about anyone, I can't_. And Tendou understood and that was that and long after the phone call had ended, Tendou cursed every deity he could.

  "He's awake," Semi breathes, glancing into the room. "You...you know you have to stay out here, right?"

  "I just want to see him, Semi, please-"

  "And give him false hope?" Semi asks and Tendous mind screams _It's not false hope, I'm falling in love with him and it's happening so fast that I feel like I can't breathe but it feels so good and I just want to hold his hand and tell him I'm **here** , Semi, **please**_.

  "Okay," Tendou says instead. "I'll stay out here."

\---

  Tendou doesn't abide by Semi's rule.

  His body moves on his own as he sees Goshiki sit up, sip some water, flinch at the ache in his throat, and give Semi a weak smile. He has to get in there, there's an animal clawing at his gut telling him go, go, go, so he does. He opens the door and walks in and Semi throws him such a nasty look, but he can't find it in him to care as he walks to Goshiki's bedside and grabs his hand.

  The first words out of his mouth are: "I'm sorry."

  Goshiki's face pales, turns to an ashen, deathly ivory, and the monster in his heart monitor screams at Tendou, the once rising and falling line now staring at Tendou with the straightest face he's ever seen.

\---

The hour hand of the clock turns to two. Feet pace against the tile in time to the ticking of the minute hand, every second clicking by is another clap of footsteps that never cease. Regretful, sad, broken eyes glance to the outside world, where the city is silent and still and dead. A foot taps against the tile, impatient and angry, seething, livid in every sense of the word, yet worried and fearful of the future.

"Stop!" Semi suddenly cries in a blur of anger. Tendou freezes in his spot and the eyes of everyone in the hospital fall on them. "Stop pacing," he spits through his teeth.

Tendou feels like apologizing, but the words are already worn out; they died on his lips when Semi yanked him out of the hospital room against his own will as surgeons and doctors and nurses rushed in to tend to Goshiki. Goshiki: so young and vibrant on the court, so ashen and sickly in the hospital bed, so still and quiet when he was dying. He knows Semi blames him - knows Goshiki's aunt feels the same, knows he's responsible for this, for all of this, all aspects of it. Tendou opens his mouth to speak.

" _Don't_ say anything," Semi barks and Tendou's mouth closes as he gazes out at the sleeping city.

The hour hand of the clock turns to three. Tendou watches it until it settles on four, then five, and then a few minutes later, a doctor walks out, calls the name: Goshiki, and Goshiki's aunt stands and walks to him. Tendou can't help but eavesdrop, and though they're talking in a hushed whisper, he can make out some words: red flowers...gone...only black...taken out...alive...feelings...gone. The tension releases from Goshiki's aunts shoulders and she glances back at the two boys, her eyes welled up with tears, happy tears, and a small smile playing at her lips. Semi sighs loudly in relief and Tendou feels the air around himself buzz and hum. She thanks the doctor and makes her way over to them, tells them everything the doctor said. They can see Goshiki, soon, after he wakes up. He's alive, he's okay.

Tendou's hands yearn for his touch.

\---

"Hey," Semi says gently as Goshiki's eyes crack open and flinch from the harsh light of the room. He blinks them, once, twice, reaches up to wipe his eyes, only to see tubes connected to his hands and arms. His lungs feel strangely light, like they aren't even there, like they're floating in his body. "You've been in and out of consciousness for a few hours. Do you remember anything?" Goshiki opens his mouth, but only a croak comes out. Semi hurriedly grabs a cup of water from the table beside him, obviously placed there for Goshiki, and brings the straw to his lips so Goshiki can drink. It soothes his throat - it burns, but it's cool at the same time, and Goshiki shivers.

"I...remember coughing," Goshiki admits in a hoarse, weak voice. Semi frowns and places a hand over his. "And...Tendou-senpai..." Goshiki's eyes are desperate, he's searching for a response in Semi, searching for realization, for relief.

"He was here," Semi responds. "He's here, just down at the cafeteria to get some food for us. He's never left."

"The flowers, the-"

"You had to go into surgery to remove them," Semi says, and watches tears swarm Goshiki's eyes. "But when they were all out, the doctor said only the black-ish ones were there...no sign of the red."

"So that means-"

Semi nods and Goshiki doesn't smile, but the way his eyes light up let Semi knows he's ecstatic, elated, beyond relieved. Semi feels like a weight's been lifted off of his shoulders as well, and he pats Goshiki's hand gently. A knock at the door cuts their conversation off and a head of vibrant red hair pokes its way into the room.

"Tsutomu!" Tendou exclaims, his hands full of a tray that he quickly sets down as he rushes to Goshiki's side. Semi smiles at the pure adoration shining in Goshiki's eyes, and feels relieved when that exact look is mirrored in Tendou's.

Semi exits the room quietly to let them have their moments, however many they want, whatever they need. He leans against the wall beside the door and sighs, letting the tension he thought would permanently weigh on his shoulders fall.

There's an odd tickle in his throat, so he coughs in an attempt to soothe it. Suddenly, though he can't stop, and for a split second he worries he's caught what Goshiki had, but the thought is blown off when the it comes to an end quicker than it began. But he has to be sure, he has to know; his eyes fall to his hand, which had been pressed to his mouth.

"No, no, no," he whispers in absolute terror as he drops the object in his hand.

A glistening, black petal falls to the floor, the color of pure obsidian.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao I'm in semigoshi and tengoshi hell help me


End file.
